To be honest it’s the only explanation! For what you might ask – well, for me! that’s the short answer.
If you don’t know me and even if you do – what you might not know is that I have very little self-confidence & self-esteem (are these the same?) but an awful lot of anxiety. I may have mentioned it and at times I’m bubbly enough that you would think I’m basically bullshitting – but I’m not. Inside me there’s this person that is trying to find the deepest darkest corner to cower in ’cause I’m not really worth bothering about – but I’m good at pretending there isn’t.
So where does the fairy dust come in? Well on Thursday I had what I now think of as a great day so in chronological order:
*Firstly I’d lost a bit of weight (only a few lbs) for the first time in a long time!
*Secondly I’d asked somebody something and got some really positive feedback which I have chosen this time to believe rather than the usual they’re just being polite and don’t really mean it.
*Last but not least – I saw a picture of me that I didn’t hate on sight! – the reason I take photos is to hide behind the camera – as devastatingly beautiful as I am the camera simply doesn’t like me (at least I think so) So this was a big, big mile stone for me.
All of this positivity has been simmering away for the last day and today it’s simply exploding out of me. I’m feeling happy. I’m feeling invincible. I’m feeling like ME again. It makes me want to cry that I’ve been so lost – I still am to a degree so I have to hold this happy to me and build on it – make it a solid foundation.
Where’s the Photo you might ask? Well here it is – the other evening (Wednesday April 15th) we were at the launch for issue 3 of Gorse. Slight plug here but himself had an essay in it! – Rather proud of that I have to say!
The Three Amigos are:
Right I must dash as I’ve put off the house work for long enough and I need another mug of coffee.